Now I'm Here...

...now I'm there!

Sheer Heart Attack is different. The next album, 'A Night At The Opera', would set the format for the future Queen albums. But Sheer Heart Attack doesn't really feel like a bridge between the progressive rock madness of 'Queen II' and what they later became. It's a bit rockier and less polished, but it seems that the progressive kitchen sink production has been ditched to make an altogether more accessible album. But it's not as good.

Brighton Rock
I don't like this one at all. There's a chortling, irritating funfair noise, before some swirly guitar kicks in. Someone seems to be cracking a whip as well? That intro is a bit of an assault really, but not one I can get behind. It's not exciting rock, it's more annoying. Whereas I could really get into the density of Queen and Queen II, this seems to be lacking in sparkle.

The moment the chorus comes in is fantastic. Instead of cutting to the beef of the song though, it leads straight into an endless, flabby guitar solo. Why doesn't this solo work? Brian's certainly showing ace musicianship. Yet it's a bloody chore to listen to. There's some more shrieking lyrics at the end of the song, before the whole thing descends into Roger Taylor laughter.
4/10

Killer Queen
Best enjoyed as [URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5R5-NVvDMc&feature=g-upl"]A Tribute to Servalan.[/URL]
10/10.

Though I do wonder if this 'Killer Queen' with her insatiable appetite for caviar, cigarettes and etiquette was a bit portly.

It's 100 times more polished than any track we've had so far, the rhythm is hypnotic, the harmonies are pitch perfect, the guitar solo is tight and contained, you can hum the tune after one listen, it's classy and exciting. Hearing this after 'Brighton Rock' is like walking from a stinking, decaying sea-side death-town into the most salubrious underground joint, the secret Ritz-within-the-Ritz. Awesome.

And then, I'll bury YOU.

Tenement Funster
Hey dudes! Are we still trying to be like, Led Zeppelin maaan? Mind you, if you were 12 years' old, Roger's hymn to teenage rebellion might be the most exciting track on the album. To anyone else, all the stuff about having strange hair and getting a fast car is a bit silly and embarrassing. At least it's about something!
5/10.

Flick of the Wrist
Interlude to say that the bridge between these two songs, as the guitar playing slows down and the piano comes in, is absolutely superb. Neither of the actual songs are as good as the link between them though!

A bit of genuine anger here, as Freddie flicks the wrist at all the postmen, estate agents, in fact any bastard who wears a suit.

I think what might have made this work is if they'd left the lyrics vague enough so it could have been about a rip-off love affair as much as being about the music industry.

Do you know what I think? This song is funny! It's so fist-shakingly earnest that you can only laugh. There's a song coming up on the next album that is even more hilarious too!
6/10

Lily of the Valley
They're undeniably very good at these mini-ballads, but I don't like this one as much as Nevermore from 'Queen II'. There's an odd link in the lyrics to the Seven Seas of Rhye, making this a sequel. Yet it doesn't really compliment the previous track in any real way.

There's a bit of a crescendo at the end as the guitars come back in, but I don't like the tone of this one so much. Again, I can't quite tell you why this one isn't so good.
4/10.

Flip the record!

Now I'm Here
Another 'Greatest Hit' and a song I adore. I love the echoing from speaker to speaker and the steady build up to the explosion of guitars. The actual song when it kicks in is pretty good too. It's a bit of old-school rock, but the effects and the harmonies give it a real lift and make it something special. As usual there's loads going on, I keep spotting the Hammond-style organ buried deep in the mix, along with the piano and at least two or three guitar lines.

The lyrics are nicely kinky too. I do wonder if this song contains a few oblique references to sexual practices that perhaps are better left undescribed? Do ya think?

But the album version is possibly the weakest available. This song becomes truly epic when performed live.
8/10

In the Lap of the Gods
What's this?

Not very good, that's what it is.

It's 22 seconds longer than Killer Queen! Waste!
4/10


Stone Cold Crazy
This is a damn fine rocker actually, isn't it? I love the break where it's just Freddie singing with that clicking sound on the drums. Everything's pulling in the same direction, which is good.

I don't think you want to over-analyse rock like this, it's a slap in the face, it's a punch in the stomach and it's bloody hard to dance too!
7/10

Dear Friends
Another good quiet ballad, a lullaby in the style of 'Good-Night' or 'Golden Slumbers' by The Beatles. Should have been a hidden bonus track, because there's not much meat to it. Then again, it does make a good bridge between Stone Cold Crazy and Misfire.
6/10

Misfire
This is a lovely, bright and breezy number isn't it? The metaphor is a bit odd though. Is it about taking drugs?

Despite being straightforward in some ways, there's still a lot of experimentation going on. Freddie's singing with two different voices, one in each speaker. John provides a lovely, bouncy bass-line and Brian is doing all kinds of crazy stuff with his guitar; the simple acoustic line that runs through it was just a feint!
7/10

Bring Back That Leroy Brown
OK, this shows that Queen are versatile. Which must be a good thing, right?

Right?

Well, I wouldn't ever choose to play this to anyone. I don't really know much about this kind of music. The lyrics are quite hard to follow, it's quite cheesy and could be quite irritating if you were in the wrong mood.

I'd like to imagine that it's John Deacon doing the incredibly deep 'Bring Back Leeroy Brown' but it probably isn't. :(
5/10

She Makes Me (Stormtrooper in Stilettos)
Wow, this one has come in for a lot of vitriol! It's quite plodding and very long, but I don't feel that offended by it. The combination of Brian May vocals and guitar gives it that wistful feel, there's a sense of longing to it. The extended outro reminds the world that they still have some progressive blood in their veins.

It's never going to set the world on fire, but I found it quite nice!

And what the hell is this about a Stormtrooper in Stilettos? That's got NOTHING to do with ANYTHING!!!
6/10

In the Lap of the Gods… Revisited
What's this?

Far better than the first version, that's what it is!

The first half of the song is by far the best piano-ballad number on the album. There's pathos to the lyrics, 'It's so easy, but I can't do it', something that I've certainly felt at times in my life. I'm not that keen on all the 'Wo, wo, lala laas' but it makes for a good ending to the album as a whole. I like the way it all crashes into a big, distorted cymbal-like sound at the end too.

The only thing that really ruins it is the horrible suspicion that it's about the record industry again.
8/10

And for a Freddie Bonus:

Now I'm Here (Live at Hammersmith Odeon, December 1975)
Yes, it's better live.

Flick of the Wrist (BBC Session, October 1974)
Tenement Funster (BBC Session, October 1974)
These sound slightly different! The piano playing's a bit sharper on Flick of The Wrist. I'd be hard pushed to tell you why Tenament Funster was different - aside from Roger's vocal line being a bit more echoey - and I'll be damned if I'm going to listen to it a dozen times to find out.

Bring Back That Leroy Brown (A Cappella Mix 2011)
This is quite interesting! When you get rid of the jangly banjo sound and piano, this song seems that much more interesting and enjoyable. You can just sit back and enjoy the harmonies.

In the Lap of the Gods ... Revisited (Live at Wembley Stadium, July 1986)"
This version of 'In The Lap of The Gods ... Revisited' is simply astounding. I love it. Suddenly, the lyrics take on an extra dimension. Freddie sings it a dozen times better. Well done to the three people who clap it's arrival!

Wo, wo, la la laa,
Wo, wo, la, la.
Woah wa woo!

Repeat to fade...

Up until a few months ago, I always thought that Queen II was the 'Difficult' one. Virtually unlistenable, very few of the songs stood out, mainly because each song had about seven or eight different sub-sections that melded into one another. Thick with guitars, but with production that flattened everything down to a horrible mud stew. This was the album that we (my family) picked up in WH Smiths' £3 sale after Christmas one year and listened to once or twice before forgetting.

But things have changed!

I couldn't honestly say if the remastering has made all the difference, but these days I find Queen II a far more accessible and pleasurable listening experience.



Procession (Instrumental)
Sinister 'heartbeat' style drumming, then some nice guitar work from Mr May. I like the way the guitar part sort-of echoes 'Father To Son'.

I suppose at the time some listeners might have been baffled by the heavily processed guitar sound. It sounds a bit like a church organ, but there's a different quality to it, rougher and more electronic. We're so familiar with it now, because it's the sound that defines Brian's guitar playing.
5/10

Father to Son
"A word in your ear, from Father to Son"
Great introduction, building up to a hard and heavy rocker. This song is pretty consistent within itself and has a couple of easily memorable repetitions. This means that 'Father To Son' is more likely to stick in your head than some of the other more varied tracks. As Si said, Queen are really starting to work together.
6/10

White Queen (As It Began)
"The White Queen walks and the night grows pale, stars of lovingness in her hair"
This one starts off as a quiet and beguiling piece, there's a couple of places where it erupts into a heavier plodding sound though. There's a brilliant slightly Spanish sounding guitar solo around 3 minutes in.

The song as a whole sounds regal and melancholic. It's rather beautiful. There's that cinematic extreme of emotion that's implied in the music and brought out in the lyrics. This one is almost operatic in it's effect.
7/10

Some Day One Day
"You Never heard my song before the music was too loud" says Brian. Is he complaining that his singing gets lost in the mix?
Things calm down a bit with 'Some Day One Day'. I can imagine Freddie filling in on the acoustic guitar for this one. Everything is heavily processed and flanged, which gives the song a drifting, dream-like feel. Unless this was an accidental effect due to too much multi-tracking? I think it would work better played with less effects.

That said, Brian May's guitar work sound is damn fine on this song.

The Loser in the End
"It's not so long since you were young"
Oh Roger!

Although this doesn't seem to quite fit on the album in some ways, it does echo 'Father To Son' in that the lyrics describe a mother-to-son relationship. This is a straight down the line rocker with Roger's punky, Led Zeppelin snarl defining it's sound.

The drumming is naturally superb, but everybody else's contribution seems a little uninspired. It's undoubtedly the weakest song on the album, but it only feels that way because it's out of place. If anyone had the courage, a compilation of all of the songs with a Roger Taylor vocal would make for an interesting stand-alone album!

Black Side
Take a five minute break, people!

This is an album of two halves! It was made for vinyl with a perfect divide down the middle. The writing credits show that has been by either May or Taylor. Now we get a rub-a-dub of Freddie...

Ogre Battle
"The ogre-men are still inside the two-way mirror mountain"
Oh no! Something is wrong, is my record player broken?

The Freddie Mercury side arrives without compromise. That reversed-music sound at the start is a great big slap in the face to the listener, saying that Queen are in town and they're going to rock hard. The tempo of Ogre Battle is ludicrously fast and doesn't let up.

It's perfect for a song about giant monsters throwing rocks and trees at each other. The tone is apocalyptic and fantastical. Brilliant stuff! I particularly love the 'Ah-ah-ah-ah-AHHHHH!'s!!
8/10


The Fairy Feller's Master-Stroke
"Taterdemallion and a Junketer"
And then things get even better! The lyrics to 'Fairy Feller's' are almost totally indecipherable without recourse to the inlay sleeve.

There's so much going on in this song, it's hard to believe that it's only 2.40 long. There's a sense that they've got to try to pack in as much as possible goddamit before the time limit runs out! There's a huge amount of urgency and attack in the way that the harpsichord is attacked from the intro onwards.

It's a great reflection of the painting by Richard Dadd, dense, over-populated and utterly bewitching.

What a ponce. 9/10

Nevermore
"Now I haven't anything to grow"
This might be the first Queen song without any rock elements at all. In a way it's another precursor to Bohemian Rhapsody here, as Queen discover they can do a beautiful piano/vocal ballad, underlined by Brian May's guitar and the choral harmonies of the group.

A great song of love and life lost; one of my absolute favourites from this era. 10/10

The March of the Black Queen
"Put them in the cellar with the naughty boys, A little N****r sugar then a rub-a-dub-a baby oil"
If Nevermore was a little under-developed this song gets everything and the castle kitchen sinks thrown in. Fie-fo the Black Queen!

Seriously, this song might be the most perverse and mental thing that Queen have ever produced. The only reason it gets overlooked is because it's on dense old Queen II. It seems a shame to keep going on about Bohemian Rhapsody, but it's all here, this is the genesis point of the ideas that would drive Queen to the top of the charts. It even has virtually the same 'slowing down' ending at 5.50, yet here it's a trick! There's still another 30 seconds to cram in!

Everything is turned up a bit for this song, the guitar solos are a bit more memorable, there's a great 'slow and sweet' passage in the middle and the nonsensical lyrics are trying harder and boiling away at a lick that makes them impossible to understand.

9/10 (when you're in the right mood!)

Funny How Love Is
"Funny how love is coming home in time for tea!"
I also love this one. There's a great shuffling beat and a hypnotic drone in the harmonies, giving it a washed-out feel that drives the song forward. The constant changes upwards in pitch also show off Freddie's remarkable vocal range.

The only down side is that it's a build-up song that doesn't quite go anywhere. Everything goes up, and up, and up, then it fades out. Yet the use of repetition means that this is another song that is more likely to stick with you from the album.
8/10

Seven Seas of Rhye
"Oh I do like to be beside the sea side"
When I didn't like 'Queen' and 'Queen II' so much, I always looked at 'Seven Seas of Rhye' as your reward for finishing each album. 'Queen' wasn't that hard to get through, so you only got a short instrumental version. 'Queen II' was a real slog, so to thank you for your efforts you got the full single version that you knew from 'Greatest Hits'.

The piano playing is more assured this time round. There's no fumbles! The musicianship on display here is astonishing, frankly. Everything is so fast, yet nailed down perfectly to the beat.

There's so much that I love about this song, but I'd just like to pick out the line where Freddie says 'I challenged the might Titan and his Troubadours' and Brian May chips in a little 'fanfare' on his guitar. The fanfare slips right into the rhythm of the song, yet accentuates and compliments the lyrics perfectly.

The lyrics are great too! 'Be gone with you, you shod and shady senators' and 'Can you hear me you peers and privy counsellors?' show some lovely alliteration. Plus they roll off the tongue in such a satisfying way AND they use strange and archaic language that you wouldn't get anywhere else in pop music!

Just astounding.
10/10.

Bonus Tracks
See What a Fool I've Been (BBC Session July 1973) [Remix 2011]
Queen do an American bluesy-rock number, singing about Georgia and Greyhound buses! Perhaps they'd just been on tour? Still, it shows how versatile the band were. There's even a hint of gospel in this one.

White Queen (As It Began) [Live at Hammersmith Odeon, December 1975]
"Ok Darlings, this is a little... a delicate little number called White Queen."
For those of you who thought that the Queen II sound could only be achieved through use of extensive over-dubbing, here's White Queen sounding more-or-less exactly the same live. How the f*** did they do it?!
This is probably actually better than the album version, Brian gives a better guitar solo and the piano playing is much more to the fore. It sounds a bit like Pink Floyd.

Seven Seas of Rhye (Instrumental Mix)
Oh, this is MAGNIFICENT! Seven Seas of Rhye without the 'Seaside' outro and no vocals. One of my favourite thing about the re-issues has been the instrumental versions of well-known songs and this is one of the absolute best.

Nevermore (BBC Session, April 1974)
Same as the album version, but sounding a little more 'complete' on it's own.

See What a Fool I've Been (B-Side Version February 1974)
Er... see above. Except... the American howl is binned... and it features Freddie's campest ever vocals. 'Oh you naughty thing you', 'he just kept on barking, the vicious thing' and 'See you later sailor boy' get added to the mix, along with a high-pitched 'Now hit it. Like That.' If he'd been signing like this all the time, I think people might have twigged a bit earlier! Brilliant and hilarious.

Now I've given a lot of high marks in these reviews so far. But rest assured, there are some 1's and 2's to come. Maybe even on Sheer Heart Attack!

Queen! Where did this album come from? There's a lot of influences clearly, but I think at this point Queen most wanted to be Led Zeppelin. The hard rock combined with fairytale/religious imagery is very similar in my opinion. There's a few progressive metal bands similar to Queen at this point; yet I still think Queen have something about them even on their first album that lifts them up above the crowd.

Obviously, that something is most likely Freddie. His voice is magnificent, self-assured, powerful and capable of a wide range of styles. That's not to belittle the other musicians in the group, all of whom are hard at work on this album.

The main complaint overall would be that there's too much going on all the time. They seem totally addicted to overdubbing and adding in extra lines of guitars, on top of a three-part vocal harmony, on top of manic drumming, on top of an excited bass-line... then Freddie comes in like the Queen of The Valkyries, screaming down to perch onto a five-hundred-mile high ornate and gothic wedding cake made of equal parts metal, jazz and prog Rock.
Queen! Where did this album come from? There's a lot of influences clearly, but I think at this point Queen most wanted to be Led Zeppelin. The hard rock combined with fairytale/religious imagery is very similar in my opinion. There's a few progressive metal bands similar to Queen at this point; yet I still think Queen have something about them even on their first album that lifts them up above the crowd.

Obviously, that something is most likely Freddie. His voice is magnificent, self-assured, powerful and capable of a wide range of styles. That's not to belittle the other musicians in the group, all of whom are hard at work on this album.

The main complaint overall would be that there's too much going on all the time. They seem totally addicted to overdubbing and adding in extra lines of guitars, on top of a three-part vocal harmony, on top of manic drumming, on top of an excited bass-line... then Freddie comes in like the Queen of The Valkyries, screaming down to perch onto a five-hundred-mile high ornate and gothic wedding cake made of equal parts metal, jazz and prog Rock.

Anyway, let's get rocking.

Keep Yourself Alive
I adore this track. Of all the songs on the first two Queen albums, this is the only I feel should have been on the Greatest Hits, aside from Seven Seas of Rhye. I love the chugging guitar line that introduces the song and runs all the way through.

There's a huge driving energy and a comparative freshness to the track. Although it's as thick and as heavy as the other songs on the album, it feels far more 'pop' friendly with an easily accessible melody line and instant chorus. 8/10

Doing Alright
Lovely, lovely piano intro. I particularly like the acoustic-ey bridge into the hard-rock section. Queen would eventually work out how to marry hard and soft rock, but they don't quite manage it here, as others have observed. Yet on it's own the guitar break is pretty damn fine.

I love the harmony work on this one. 8/10

Great King Rat
Here comes the pomp here comes the pomp! This is by far and away the silliest song on the first album (They would top it on Queen II - oh yes!). It's got a fair old gallop to it, rather appropriate to a song about a famous gangster and sexual deviant. At least, that's what I reckon it's about.

I've always had difficulty telling where one track ended and another started on this album. No wonder, there's an extra song in the middle of Great King Rat which is completely different! 6/10

My Fairy King
Yes, they are a poncey Led Zeppelin. Freddie's vocals drift from speaker to speaker in an extended piece of sonic engineering.

Queen are clearly a very intellectual band and songs like this are built from ideas by obscure poets and many different musical styles. 4/10

Liar
This one is brilliant (LIAR!) Another heavy, heavy track, but one that stood out for me when I first heard the album. There's the religious persecution element to the lyrics, which would later come back to such good effect in Bohemian Rhapsody. I like to imagine it's the same guys shouting 'LIAR!' that would later shout 'WILL NOT LET YOU GO!'

...And in fact, it is indeed still Brian and Roger. 6/10

The Night Comes Down
Bonkers and overcomplicated intro and outro, but the bit in the middle is really good. Bluesy and beguiling. Checking the Wikipedia entry, I see this is a Brian May composition. On reflection, that really shows in the tone of the song. It has that picturesque feel to it. 5/10

Modern Times Rock'n'Roll
No, I don't like this one much at all. Sorry Roger, but Freddie sings much better than you. Even though you sing pretty well. This one sets the trend for the Ringo-inspired 'One Song Sung By The Drummer Per Album' tradition. I've always found Roger's lyrics to be facile and fake too, as though he's trying too hard to be cool.

This song seems about seven minutes longer than it's 1.48 runtime. 2/10

Son And Daughter
I! WANT! YOU! To be a woman? Even on the remasters, this one seems incredibly murky and hard work. Freddie's vocal line is particularly distorted. 4/10

Jesus
I like this one! Again, it's got an accessible chorus. It puts me in mind of a great procession of Prog Rock musicians heading down to Bethlehem bearing gifts of minor ninths, a wall of feedback and 9/16 time.

The huge, noodley guitar solo is a bit of an albatross, even more so here for not being in keeping with the rest of the track in any way. 6/10

Seven Seas Of Rhye...
Yeah, we're not quite there yet. Even the piano playing is uneven and slower than on the 'finished' version. It's still good though! 7/10


What's that? Bonus tracks? Well, I suppose I could...

"Keep Yourself Alive (De Lane Lea Demo, December 1971)"
"The Night Comes Down (De Lane Lea Demo, December 1971)"
"Great King Rat (De Lane Lea Demo, December 1971)"
"Jesus (De Lane Lea Demo, December 1971)"
"Liar (De Lane Lea Demo, December 1971)"

I'm sure these are 'of interest'; however they don't sound substantially different from the final versions to me. Like most demos, they're just not quite as good.

"Mad the Swine (June 1972)"
"Been here before, a long time ago - but this time I wear no sandals."
This is actually a really pleasant track! It doesn't have the HARD ROCK elements of anything else on 'Queen', it just comes in, does it's business and leaves. Sadly, it's none too exciting either. But there's a lot to be said for just having a nice song.

So - closing thoughts.

It's not a strong album and it's fairly hard work. There are elements that work fantastically well and some songs that are very exciting, but the band are working far too hard to show how musically literate and talented they are. It's a far cry from the 80's albums where Brian May would phone in a single, five-second guitar solo as his only contribution to each song...

Things would 'move forward' for Queen II. But would anyone survive?!

Finished 'The Slap' by Christos Tsiolkas today.

It follows the lives of a number of different people, starting with an Australian man named Hector. He is organising a barbecue, where a 4-year old child gets slapped by Hector's friend Harry. The repercussions of this affect the lives of everyone around them, from Harry's Greek father right down to the younger generations.

What this book seems to be about is sex, from every angle, from every vantage point. They're all at it, all the time and when they're not at it they're usually thinking about it. I was slightly put off by the nothing-to-the-imagination descriptions of these characters going at it, with semen flying everywhere. To be fair, quite often the sex is justified and throws characters into a different light - it has a point in narrative terms and is more than just titillation.

The other thing that makes me a complete fucking prude is that I was surprised at the attitude to drug-taking. The book probably is an accurate depiction of life, in that a lot of people take a few drugs a lot of the time and actually have great experiences out of it. But I've never read a book that was so overwhelmingly positive in it's attitude to drugs.

There are some seriously unpleasant characters in this book, but in a similar way to William Sutcliffe's writing, they only are shown up as unpleasant through other people's perspectives. So we see the viewpoint of Harry, who slaps the child and how he justifies himself in doing so. We also see the viewpoint of Rosie, the child's mother, who is ludicrously over-protective, still breast-feeding her youngster at age four. Yet Rosie still attracts some sympathy, for all that she has suffered in her life.

All that said, it won out in the end. The last installment I found to be particularly moving, perhaps because the character wasn't such an asshole as most of the others. It really shouldn't have 'Greatest novel of the 21st Century' on the cover though. Whether it is or not doesn't matter, it's a stupid and off-putting statement.

Dear Mr Bowie: I don't have any red shoes. What other shoe colours are acceptable for dancing the blues?



Dear Mr Bowie: Why are there no key changes in 'Changes'?

Dear Mr Bowie: Are you ashamed that Mr Jagger had to remind you not to forget the Motor City re: dancing in the street?

Dear Mr Bowie: Just heard Major Tom is a junkie. WTF?! I didn't know!

Dear Mr Bowie: Re - 1.Outside - Whodunnit? More to the point, Whatthehellwasgoin'on?

Dear Mr Bowie: I can solve your Labyrinth, but I'll need 15 hours. Is this OK?

Dear Mr Bowie: You've been breaking glass in your room again. Mum wants to come round later to clean it up, will you be in?

Dear Mr Bowie: How's the dubstep album coming along?

Dear Mr Bowie: Did anyone bring you the Disco King in the end? How did that turn out?

Dear Mr Bowie: Observed 'pun' in name of 'Aladdin Sane'. Deliberate?

Dear Mr Bowie: Re - 1.Outside. Really looking forward to 2! Can I have a listen?

Dear Mr Bowie: Who was sent out for Bratwurst in Berlin? You, Iggy or Lou?

Dear Mr Bowie: Have you spoken to British Intelligence re: Secret Life of Arabia? Sure you might have some useful info. Get in touch!

One of the things I've downloaded for my phone (my new life! Worship the phone! WORSHIP! etc) was Google SkyMap (Google! Worship the Google! ok enough of that). It's supposed to tell you which stars and constellations are which. It's always bugged me. Constellations have never looked like anything to me, just random jumbles of stars.

The app is like a fixed star chart. You point your phone in the right direction and it shows you a map of the bit of the sky it's pointed at, with the names of the stars highlighted. Brilliant. Sadly I haven't been able to get it to work particularly well.

First problem was the brightness of the phone display. Actually, the first problem is getting outside on a clear night, not always an easy task when it's lovely and warm indoors.

Turning down the brightness of the display was an obvious step, but it didn't work that well. I still had the problem that I'd look at the display, look up at the stars and not be able to see because my eyes had adjusted to the display. Then this weekend I found 'Night Mode' which turns the display to a low contrast, red on black colour.

So out at Bristol on Saturday, I got it working on the way back from the pub. And I identified a star from it's position and pattern in the sky.

I can't remember which one. But for a moment, I could see a star - and I knew it's name.

Nice weekend's walking with #sfl who I've not seen for ages. We had: Tim, Chris, Skinner (Hurrah!) James, Matt and later Paul and Fran, who joined us for the final leg of the walk.

I say final leg, but it was more like the final 4km-trek-through-knee-deep-mud. The rest of the walk was fine, but that last bit was horrendous. On the plus side, we got some great views of the Severn estuary at the start, plus the weather was superb. We got back to the cars just before it got dark. Sadly that meant Tim and James had to abandon their plans to cook a curry. Boo.

Also half-watched about 20 mins of 'Tron: Legacy', which Tim had recorded on his Sky+box. Shockingly awful film, even in this small dose. Seemed like it was all about Jeff Bridges talking crap. 'How To Train Your Dragon' of which we watched the first 20 minutes, seemed far better, which was a shame as it stopped us getting to the pub quite so quickly.

Ales consumed:
Hare & Hop - very nice, light, Bath Ale.
Other Bath Ales - good, but some were slightly soapy.
Fursty Ferret - an old fave.
Severn Sins - very dark, very chocolate. But still decently drinkable.
Cornwall Coopers - decent pint.

We bade farewell to our Gran today, Rose Alexander. She was very special to all of us and we will all remember her with great fondness. Lovely ceremony up at West Herts, with unbelievably good weather for October (or July, come to think of it). The family were there for her and we had sandwiches and cakes afterwards at the house where she'd lived for the past 10 or so years. It gave me the chance to talk to a few family members who I don't speak to so often, which is always good.

She was born Christmas Day 1919. Mum always used to remind me before Christmas 'Don't forget, its Gran's birthday as well!' My cousin Phil said a little piece about Gran that really summed up most of the things I'd want to say about her, so I'm going to copy it out here.

"Everyone here today will have known Rose in their own special way, but I would like to say some brief words about her as a Grandmother. She was a special person and a special Grandmother and I believe that just knowing her and growing up around her has meant that she lives on in our hearts and minds and the things that we do. I could talk for ages about my special memories of Gran but today I will just talk about four aspects that I’d like to share with you.

Firstly I want to mention Gran’s kindness. Her kindness shone through in everything she did as a grandparent. She had no favourites – you always knew there was no question of that – and it came natural to her to treat us all the same with no exception. She wasn’t the type of person who wanted to tell you how to do something or how not to do something. Her way was the way of a few kind words at the right time. She was someone you could rely on for gentle encouragement and to share her thoughts in a kind and even handed way. We knew she was very proud of each of us and she had all our the grandchildrens graduation photos, Vicki, Matthew, Neil, Steven, Susan, Stuart’s and mine, hung on her wall.

Secondly, Gran had a great sense of fun. We all loved going for long walks with Gran in the woods, walking the dogs, climbing on the old logs or just hearing a story about when Jan and Lesley and Robin were small. When Gran was much older and less mobile her and Auntie Betty were always quite the double act and she would always give you a knowing wink to make sure you knew she was in on the joke.

Thirdly, I think my over-riding memory of Gran was her calmness. When I think back what I’m most struck by is how she was never short with us or lost her temper with us as grandchildren. At the time, I didn’t give it a second thought but looking back, especially as a father myself now, I do wonder how she did it. It certainly can’t have been easy. I can still remember her face when she came out into her front yard looking for me and found the 10 year old me balancing precariously but proudly on top of the 9 foot tall wall of the courtyard. “Look at me Gran!”. It’s a wonder she ever invited me back! Equally, how she kept from tearing her hair out when Satin the dog disappeared into a bush or under a fence amazes me. Somehow, she always got us home in time for tea.

Lastly, in her own way, Gran taught us about family and what family means. Her house always felt a safe place to go and relax and us Grandkids knew we would always get a good feed whether we were there for breakfast, lunch or tea. Sausage and egg, cheese on toast, Granny’s casserole or her special apple crumble – it never failed to be delicious. Christmas and birthdays won’t be the same without Gran there to share it with. I know it meant a lot to Gran that her daughters were just down the road from her, and in her last years when she struggled with her health and mobility, Jan or Lesley were always around to look after her and be there for her. Even when things were very tough Mum and Auntie Lesley pulled out all the stops to make sure Gran was as comfortable and happy as possible. Managing an illness like Gran’s can have a massive impact on the family and I know that myself and all the grandchildren are full of admiration for the way that Gran was cared for.

So finally I want to say that although Gran has passed on, because of the person she was, she will always live on in us. Everytime we try to be kind, everytime we have a sense of calm, every time we have fun and everytime we think about family and what family means, Gran will be there with us. She was a very special person and we will all really, really miss her."

It's all of the little things that I remember, probably hundreds of little, tiny memories that go together. Like visiting her in London and going for walks in St James Park, watching out for the Pelican. Gran had a rhyme for every occasion, so I guess that was where I learned "A funny bird is the pelican, it's beak can hold more than its belly can."

Then of course there was "Twenty-One today, Twenty-One today, he's got the key to the door, he's never been Twenty-One before." She sung this at almost every birthday, regardless of the person's age! But as I got closer and closer to Twenty-One, it got more and more exciting. Then when the event came, I had to make certain that Gran was there to sing the rhyme!

I couldn't have asked for a more loving Grandmother. She was superb.

Just a couple of stats from our recent holiday:

Episodes of USTV Drama watched: 37.
Consisting of:
'Mad Men' Season 1 + first two eps of 'Mad Men' Season 2.
'House' Season 1 complete.
First episode of 'The Sopranos'.

Percentage of USTV pilots featuring someone having a brain seizure and needing psychological help: 66.6%.
(NOTE - 'Mad Men' featured a brain seizure in the second episode).

Average time of seizure in each episode of 'House' Season 1: 15 minutes and 35 seconds.

Approximately 20 episodes of 'The Tomorrow People' also watched. Including: Castle of Fear, Slaves of Jedikiah, Into The Unknown, Living Skins.

Average temperature: 30 degrees.
Max temperature: 42 degrees. (Woo!)

Number of times eating in: twice.
Number of times eating out: many.

Books read (SA only) 8 approx.
- The Kon-Tiki Expedition by Thor Heyerdal
- The City and The City by China Miéville
- Enigma by Robert Harris
- Again, Dangerous Visions Book 1 edited by Harlan Ellison
- Room at The Top by John Braine
- A Pelican At Blandings by PG Wodehouse
- Enter Wildthyme by Paul Magrs (unfinished due to anger at bad puns)
- The French Lieutenant's Woman by John Fowles (started)

Usual time to go to the swimming pool: 5pm.

Mini-golf Scores:
Simon Hart: 122
Steven Alexander: 120
(Has Simon had secret lessons?!)

Tan coverage:
Simon Hart: 70%
Steven Alexander 10%

Flight delay on the way home: 2hrs
(Due to the cabin telephone not working. Because if the phone doesn't work, the plane could fall out of the sky.)

Amount that Paul and Stuart thought they would have to pay for 15mins at the airport car park: £0.00
Amount that Paul and Stuart actually paid for 15mins at the airport car park: £7.00. Ouch.

A few words on 'The Hour', the 6 part series that was on the BBC recently. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b012rwmc




You do wonder sometimes if the BBC is ever going to do something truly brilliant ever again. They've got a long history of classic dramas, but what have they done for us lately? The answer is 'The Hour' a series about a news program, set in 1956 during the Suez Crisis.

One benchmark of a good TV show, according to a friend of mine, is whether you know the character's names. Personally I think this is simply a measure of how often they repeat each other's names, I'll never forget Tetsuo and Kaneda from the anime film 'Akira' because 90% of the dialogue was them shouting after each other. There wasn't much of that in 'The Hour', but by the end of the series I not only knew Frederick Lyon, Hector Madden, Bel Rowley, Clarence, Issac, Sissy, Blicks, Lord Elms, Ruthie, Thomas Kisch, Del Ray, McCain and Douglas, but I also knew that the series was set from July to November of 1956.

It was an absolute joy getting to know all these characters over the six episodes. The pacing was fairly slow, in fact it was a similar speed to the recent series of Torchwood. Yet unlike Torchwood, The Hour wasn't utterly wretched. Everything was so well judged in The Hour, there were exactly the right number of sub-plots, the love affairs were all believable and real, we got exactly the right number of extra clues for the conspiracy each week and the conclusion was so satisfying and thrilling that Simon and I genuinely sat on the edge of the sofa. That's an accolade usually reserved for Doctor Who season finales and episodes of I, Claudius!

Continuing the comparison with Torchwood, this show had Burn Gorman as Kisch, who played Owen in Torchwood. In this show, Burn was perfectly cast as a sinister, dark character, utterly uncomfortable socially and capable of murder. Torchwood cast him as a sexy young buck. Now Burn is a fantastic actor and is fairly good looking, but he came across a lot better in The Hour.

Random thoughts:

The setting seemed perfectly realised, except for one scene where Freddie walks down a suburban street, with modern garage doors and road signs. It seemed very wrong.

Oh look! It's Lime Grove! Don't they know that Doctor Who was going to be filmed there?

Tim Piggot-Smith is still amazing.

Hector started off as an unlikable character, but he had so much natural, Carey Grant-style charm that he won us over by episode two. The git is having an affair with the female lead (Bel), keeping her away from the male lead (Freddie) and he's still sympathetic! Also, get him presenting BBC News, he's far better than any of the other presenters.

And isn't Ben Whishaw a) unbelievably skinny and b) like a 1950's version of Matt Smith's Doctor Who?